


Gay Pilots

by ChrisCalledMeSweetie



Series: It's All Fun and Games [5]
Category: Cabin Pressure, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: First Time, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, Sherlock Unaired Pilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 07:44:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19313716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisCalledMeSweetie/pseuds/ChrisCalledMeSweetie
Summary: When Sherlock and John charter a flight, Arthur ends up playing matchmaker.





	Gay Pilots

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ariane_DeVere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ariane_DeVere/gifts), [PatPrecieux](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatPrecieux/gifts), [elwinglyre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elwinglyre/gifts), [NovaNara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaNara/gifts), [IamJohnLocked4life](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IamJohnLocked4life/gifts), [Chrissymbod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrissymbod/gifts), [sw70](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sw70/gifts).



> Many thanks to Ariane_DeVere for the transcript of the unaired (gay) pilot, the ending of which makes it's appearance (with a few key alterations) at the beginning of this fic.

“Dinner?”

 

“Starving.”

 

“There’s a good Chinese place in Shanghai.”

 

“Shanghai, _China?”_

 

“Where else would you go for authentic Chinese cuisine?”

 

“Um… Any one of the dozens of Chinese restaurants right here in London?”

 

“Boring. Come on.”

 

“Oi! Sherlock! Still got questions for you.”

 

“Inspector Lestrade, to my certain knowledge, this man hasn’t eaten for several days. Now, if you want him alive for your next case, what he’s going to do right now is have dinner.”

 

“And who the hell are you?”

 

“I’m his doctor.”

 

“And only a fool argues with his doctor.”

 

“Okay, I’ll pull you in tomorrow. Off you go.”

 

“Thank you, Inspector. I’ll take good care of him.”

 

“He’s going to have a hard time pulling me in tomorrow, all the way from Shanghai.”

 

“You were serious?”

 

“I’m always serious about my Chinese food, John. I’ve already chartered us a flight. Let’s go.”

 

…

 

“Good evening, my name’s Arthur, and I’ll be being your steward tonight. Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee, board games?”

 

“Arthur!”

 

“Oh, no, sorry gents — I forgot — Mum doesn’t like for me to open the games cupboard during the flight, in case there’s turbulence. Which I’m sure there won’t be, ‘cause the Skipper’s really good at flying around the bumpy bits. But sometimes Douglas likes to go through them on purpose, just to liven things up, if the flight’s getting a bit dull, and one time all the Parcheesi pieces went flying and Mum got one in her—”

 

 _“Thank_ you, Arthur. That’ll do.”

 

“Okay, Mum — I was just explaining why—”

 

“Yes, yes, I heard.”

 

“Well, since I already offered them the board games, I thought maybe they could pick one with really big pieces, so even if we do hit turbulence and they end up flying around the cabin like they did that time, at least they wouldn’t fit in your—”

 

“That’s enough, Arthur. Code red. Go away fast, go away now.”

 

“Yes, Mum.”

 

…

 

“Hi, chaps. Mind if I hang out up here with you for a bit? Mum’s kicked me out of the cabin.”

 

“What did you do this time, Arthur?”

 

“Nothing. I was just telling the passengers why Mum wouldn’t let me open the games cupboard, because of that one time with the Parcheesi piece.”

 

“Arthur, even you should know better than to remind her of that debacle.”

 

“Well, you know how people are always saying, ‘You’ll laugh about it later’? I keep thinking it’s later. But so far, Mum never laughs.”

 

“And I can’t imagine she ever will.”

 

“You know what’s funny?”

 

“Yes, _we_ know — but don’t expect _her_ to.”

 

“No — not about the Parcheesi piece — about the passengers. They remind me of the two of you.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah. The short one’s the captain, but the tall one’s the leader.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“No offence, Skip. But you know how Douglas is. Well, that’s what the tall one is like. Only, the really weird part is, he looks exactly like _you.”_

 

“Exactly like me?”

 

“Well, maybe not exactly. More like, if you had an identical twin who was way taller and loads more posh.”

 

“So, if Martin’s identical twin was _me?”_

 

“Right, Douglas! And then, of course, the way they _are_ together is exactly like the two of you, too.”

 

“In what way?”

 

“Well, you know, there they are, sitting right next to each other, just like you two always do, and you can see they want to hold hands, just like you two always want to, but they’re not doing it, just like you two never do. Only, I know why _you two_ don’t hold hands, ‘cause you need yours free to fly the plane, but I’m not sure why _they’re_ not holding hands. Maybe they are by now. I’ll go check.”

 

…

 

“Well, that was awkward.”

 

“What? Arthur being Arthur? That’s just how he is, Martin. It doesn’t mean anything.”

 

“…”

 

“Does it?”

 

“I don’t know. Does it?”

 

“Do you want it to?”

 

“Do _you_ want it to?”

 

“Are you just going to echo everything I say?”

 

“I don’t know. I’m not any good at this. That’s why I said it was awkward — because _I’m_ awkward. I just don’t know how to — Wait! What are you doing???”

 

“Holding your hand.”

 

“But what about flying the plane?”

 

“GERTI can fly herself for a bit, I think.”

 

…

 

“Hello again. I see Mum’s got you gents some tea. Sorry there’s no _G-A-M-E-S_ , though. If you want, I could play charades with you.”

 

“That won’t be necessary.”

 

“Are you sure? I’m really good at charades. Here — try to guess this one.”

 

“Airplane.”

 

“Wow! That was brilliant! I’d barely even got my arms out to the sides yet. How’d you guess?”

 

“I never guess. I deduce.”

 

“Oooh — can you deduce me?”

 

“Yes. You’re an idiot.”

 

“That’s brilliant! How did you know?”

 

“Most people are idiots. You, however, raise it to an art form.”

 

“Thank you. I do my best.”

 

“I’m sure you do.”

 

“You know, you two look kind of cold. We have to keep it chilly in the cabin, ‘cause Mum’s been having _H-O-T-F-L-U-S-H-E-S_. I’ll bring you a blanket. We only have one, but I’m sure you won’t mind sharing…”

 

…

 

“This is certainly a lot cosier than that ridiculous shock-blanket they forced on me earlier.”

 

“Mmhmm… It’s nice.”

 

“And no one can see what we might do underneath it.”

 

“What happened to being married to your work.”

 

“It occurs to me that I might enjoy a ménage à trois.”

 

“Please tell me you’re not suggesting we have a threesome with Arthur.”

 

“John! Don’t be ridiculous! I mean that you and my work and I all seem remarkably compatible.”

 

“Right. Good. Well, then…”

 

“Mmmm…”

 

….

 

“Thank you for flying MJN Air. It has been my pleasure to be serving you, and to now be reminding you to please make sure to take all of your bags and personal items with you upon disembarkation from the aircraft.”

 

“We didn’t bring any bags.”

 

“All of your personal items, then.”

 

“We didn’t bring any personal items.”

 

“Um, well, the thing is, Mum said to tell you that the blanket you were… um… _under…_ last night, well, it’s now your personal item, and you should, under no circumstances, leave it on the plane. Think of it as a souvenir.”

 

“Oh. Right. Thanks, Arthur.”

 

“No problem. I knew you wouldn’t mind sharing.”

 

“True. Sherlock and I didn’t mind sharing at all.”

 

“Brilliant!”

 

“Arthur, I’ve revised my deduction about you.”

 

“Really? So you don’t think I’m an idiot.”

 

“Oh, no — you’re obviously an idiot. But also, you are a _genius!”_

**Author's Note:**

> I've been having such fun writing Cabin Pressure fic lately, but I was starting to miss Sherlock and John. Hence, this little crossover between the gay pilot episode of Sherlock and the (in this case, at least) gay pilots of MJN Airways.
> 
> Kind comments and kudos are, as Arthur would say, BRILLIANT!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Thank you!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21946135) by [Marsetta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marsetta/pseuds/Marsetta)




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